Remus's First Christmas Without his Friends
by chocoluvr
Summary: On Christmas Eve on the first Christmas without his friends, he attempts to take his own life. Dumbledore finds out about this and has a conversation with him about what he has to look forward to.


**Author's Note**: I don't own Harry Potter.

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On a cold Christmas Eve in 1981, Remus Lupin was sitting alone in his flat, missing his friends that he had just lost almost two months ago. He even felt the betrayal of one whom he thought was his friend but wasn't. He felt that there was no hope in the world left for him, since he had also lost his job at the same time too, because of his lycanopathy. He had decided that he had enough of living in this world and he wanted to end it tonight, when there would be very little chance of anyone finding him and trying to stop him from doing what he had planned on doing. The full moon had been a week ago and he had already recovered from it, even though it was one of his hardest nights to transform after all of the mental anguish that he went through. As he took the vial of poison he thought of the fact that he would soon join his friends in death. At the time that Remus was taking the poison, an older wizard by the name of Albus Dumbledore felt like he needed to check on Remus, since this was the first Christmas without his friends. When he arrived, he found the door unlocked and Remus unconscious from the effects of the poison, he rushed him to St. Mungos for the anecdote. When Dumbledore arrived with Remus, the Healers immediately took him and did a test to find out what poison he had injested. He was immediately given the anecdote, but he remained unconscious.

"He will eventually wake up, but it may take a few hours because of the effect of the antecdote" Healer John told Dumbledore.

"So then he will recover from this then?" Dumbledore asked.

"He will recover from this physically, but we will watch his reaction to being saved when he wakes up" John told Dumbledore.

"What do you mean?" Dumbledore asked.

"Did you have any clues that he would try to kill himself, since you seem to be close to him?" John asked.

"Well, this is his first Christmas without his friends, since three of them are dead and the other one is in jail for the murder of his other friends" Dumbledore replied.

"Well, we'll have a psychologist come in and do a psychological evaluation, to determine if he is suicidal or not" John told Dumbledore.

"And if he is?" Dumbledore asked.

"Then we will keep him here in the psychiatric ward and treat him for depression" John replied.

"Well, when can I go in and see him?" Dumbledore asked John.

"Well you can see him right now" John told him.

"That sounds good" Dumbledore told John.

Dumbledore was then told where Remus's room was. When he came into Remus's room, he felt a pang of sadness that he would want to poison himself and end his life. A few hours later, Remus woke up and wanted to know where he was.

"What are you doing here, Dumbledore ?" Remus asked once he realized that he was in St. Mungo's.

"What do you mean, I came by to see if you were okay since this would be your first Christmas without your friends" Dumbledore replied.

"Well, it should have been me who died instead of James, Lily and Peter" Remus told him.

"I understand your pain, but you don't need to kill yourself to get rid of the pain" Dumbledore told him.

"Yes, but I feel that there is no need for me here, since I can't even get a job in the wizarding world because of my condition, so I can't contribute to society not like I could with the war going on" Remus replied.

"Well you could contribute to society now, though in different ways. Have you thought about becoming a private tutor for children who need extra assistance with their studies, plus there are the other Potter properties that need looking after" Dumbledore told Remus.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked.

"I wanted to wait until Christmas to tell you this, but in light of recent events I better tell you this now, he specified in his will that you be the caretaker of any one of their properties that they had in various countries" Dumbledore told him.

"What do you mean he never told any of us about owning different properties" Remus told him.

"Well, I think that he was modest about his wealth when he was alive, but he wanted to make sure that you could support yourself as well" Dumbledore told him.

"Yes, but I don't want to live off the charity of others" Remus replied.

"Its not charity, they do need to have someone to look after them and you can study what you want to while you are staying there" Dumbledore replied.

"Yes, but what about my monthly transformations?" Remus asked.

"Well there are some properties in the middle of nowhere where you could lock yourself in a room and transform without harming others" Dumbledore replied.

"Do you know how long I will be in here? Do you have proof of this agreement?" Remus asked.

"I can go get it right now, but first you need to concentrate on getting better" Dumbledore told him.

"I hope that this is true, because if it is this could give him something to look forward to, a reason to live that could help in his recovery" the psychologist told Dumbledore out in the hallway, after accidentally walking in on their conversation.

"Well, I hope that he can recover soon" Dumbledore told the psychologist.

"Well, I hope so too, but this could take time to heal from" the psychologist told him.

On Christmas Day, Dumbledore went by the hospital to visit Remus and to show those papers that he had talked about yesterday to him.

"Well what did the psychologist tell you?" Dumbledore asked for concern for his friend.

"Well they are treating me for depression plus I have survivor's guilt which they told me is normal for someone who has suffered as many losses as I have, plus my little problem makes it worse" Remus told his old headmaster.

"Well I've heard that is treatable they have potions and counseling for that. So how long are you going to be in here?" Dumbledore asked Remus.

"Well it depends on how well I respond to their treatment. Do you have those papers?" Remus asked.

"Yes I do right here" Dumbledore replied.

He took out the papers and showed to Remus for him to look over. Remus looked over the papers and handed them back to Dumbledore.

"Well, when I get out of here I would not mind staying at their English country house" Remus told Dumbledore.

"That sounds good, those grounds could stand with a little bit of tender loving care plus it has the old caretakers cottage on the property where you could transform in." Dumbledore told him.

"Wow that gives me something to look forward to once I get out of here" Remus told him.

Just then, a Healer came in to give him his dosage of his potions for the day.

"Are you going to visit them, since you're here?" Remus asked Dumbledore realizing that he could get treatment for his illness unlike others when his antidepressant potions took effect.

"Yes I am, since they are also friends of ours as well. You could ask the Healer to see them if you could visit them, if you want to. Though I understand if you don't want to visit them quite yet, since it is a shock to see your friends in that condition" Dumbledore replied referring to the Longbottoms.

"I don't know its too soon for me, I have had too many losses for my age?" Remus asked.

"I know that it is not fair for someone your age to have lost as many friends that you have" Dumbledore replied.

"I will get better and get out of here, but I still need more time before I can face visiting the Longbottoms, because I know that could have easily been James and Lily in there" Remus told Dumbledore.

"I know, I was the one who heard the original prophecy that was made right before both Harry and Neville were born. I assume that James told you about it, which is why both of them went into hiding when they did." Dumbledore told him in a quiet voice.

"I am still processing everything, I need to wait until I feel ready to do so and my psychologist thinks that I am ready. It is still a shock to me seeing the Longbottoms living in those conditions" Remus told him.

"I know it is to me too, but they were still heroes in this war and I still need to be reminded that there were different types of causalities in this war other than death" Dumbledore told him.

"Yes but I still think about how it should have been me who died that night and not Peter, do you think that they deliberately planned their attack on the night of the full moon, so there would be one less person to worry about chasing after him if he did get caught." Remus replied.

"Yes, but you need to look forward to the future now, and not worry about what should have been. Is that why you tried to kill yourself?" Dumbledore asked him.

"Yes I know realize that I was trying to fix an error that I saw in my view" Remus replied.

"Yes, but you still have a purpose in life, you can get to know Harry better once he reenters the wizarding world" Dumbledore told him.

"Well, that would give me something to look forward to. I wonder what he will be like when he's older" Remus replied.

"Well, he would be his own person with his own personality and not another James or Lily." Dumbledore answered.

The psychologist came in for his session with Remus, since he was still considered at risk to commit suicide and he still had some issues that he had to work out.


End file.
